Confessions of a grumpy pregnant lady....

Being a mother is the most important calling I will ever have as a woman. Yes, I can accomplish many things outside of the home and fulfill myself pursuing my own interests and desires. However, being a mom is something that I have always wanted and something that I know is my calling in life. I have experienced brief moments with children giving me a glimpse of how precious they are and how incredibly loved they are. Truly being able to see them through the eyes of the Lord. Right when Daniel and I got married I was totally baby hungry. Here we are two years later and I am about to have my dream be fulfilled.

But I have to confess.... I HATE being pregnant. I can't say anything though because it makes me a 'bad person' and most of all because compared to a lot of story toppers, I have got NOTHING to complain about. I hate hearing that women just loved every minute of being pregnant. It's just disgusting. "I'm 20 weeks along and you can't even tell. I don't even have a bump", "I can still wear my skinny jeans", "I never got sick or anything"- Well YIPPEE for you!

Its like they are bragging. Example conversation: Person A- "Yuck, I just threw up for the 8th time today". Person B - "Oh really? Well I never get sick". What sick pregnant lady wants to hear that?! Seriously man. Are you trying to make me feel better? Or... what? What is the purpose of that statement?

Is this what they want? Person A - "Ugh, my pants don't button anymore. I feel so gross". Person B - "Really? Huh, I'm 2 weeks farther along than you and I am still in my high school jeans". Person A - " Oh my gosh! You are so lucky! Wow, I wish I were you. Can I hang around you so that I can be more like you and you can be my pregnancy mentor?!" - Gag me with a spoon.

I started gaining weight when I was 4 weeks along. I haven't been able to fit into any of my clothes since October and in reality I will probably never fit into them ever again. My maternity clothes are too small, how can anyone not love that?! Hey, your so fat that even the clothes we custom make for people with your 'condition' don't even fit. Maybe you should go try having them custom made for your ... figure (if thats what you can call it). Yes! I love being pregnant.

I envy anyone that can lay on their stomach. Tell me you don't miss that oh perfect pregnant ladies.

And don't even get me started on how gross and disgusting stretch marks are. Ew- that is all I can say. So awesome they they will never leave. Love it.

And then there is the 'look'. You know which one I am talking about. The 'look' your husband gives you when you are totally hormonal and crabby and all you want is for him to just understand and your yelling at him this desire and he just looks at you. Like, 'ok, your out of your mind- and if I continue to speak I will be sleeping on the couch that with your super hormonal strength you've managed to pick up and move outside. So I'm just going to shut up and leave.' You've got no explanations or reasons behind the chaotic, unreliable bursts of random anger. But the only people who understand are the crabby pregnant ladies. The 'good, angelic' pregnant women have the super human strength to control these hormones attacking their body. Because if they didn't how could they love being pregnant? How can you love not being able to control your mood swings and in turn treating the one man you love more than anything else on this earth like dirt? And in reality these little demons we call hormones are most likely the cause of this little temper tantrum, turning it into a forever long post taking hours to perfect. So fun! I love being pregnant.

It's the best to not be able to sleep through the night because you have to slide your arm under your stomach to help lift it as you roll over to get a more comfortable position. Oh but before you attempt said roll over, you have to gain momentum by rocking back and forth a few times and then attempting the big heave-ho. Person B - "Better get used to it. Tee hee hee hee" Person A - "HAHAHAHAHA. Oh your helping so much." Shut up! I'm tired.

But these are only the little things. One can't forget the swollen feet that make it impossible to wear any other shoes besides flip flops or crocs. But then again it kills the legs and back to wear flip flops because they have no support what so ever and your carrying around 50 freaking pounds more than normal so your feet start to ache as your walking out the door.

Then there is the medicine cabinet I've dressed up like a purse. The contents? Oh this and that, my wallet, some chap-stick, a little "Moonlight" body spray from Bath and Body Works, a pen- and oh yeah an entire bottle of ultra (a step above Extra) strength antacids (ya know the family or economy size), a bottle of zyrtec, my iron pills, a package of tagament (that also aids in heart burn), my zofran (it used to never leave my side) and my flinstones multi-vitamins. I went to the pool the other day to get in some exercise- I had to leave after 15 minutes because the acid in my stomach was coming up so bad that I had to look up in order to be able to swallow it and not throw up in the pool. I have to take little kiddy vitamins because if I take normal big girl prenatals my skin breaks out into a huge rash and I itch so bad I have to run into an oatmeal bath while lathering anti-itch cream all over my body. My skin just itches all the time especially at night! I'm tired!

I have to catch my breath at the top of the stairs. If Daniel is home and he is behind me he has to put his hands on my butt or hips and help push me up the stairs. All of this while my thighs are bumping into my stomach.

And speaking of things bumping into my stomach, my boobs have grown so large that they now rest on my stomach and fall off to either side (sorry boys). Man, I feel so sexy. They also have to be supported in the heave-ho roll over escapade during the night or they'll crash one on top of the other causing just a tid bit of pain.

I don't know who I am. I don't know what my body is doing. It's acting of its own accord and I have no control over what happens. I am sick and I am so weak I can't lift a paper and hold it up. My legs feel like I have been working out on the stair stepper for hours if I am just sitting down! I have NO normal reason to be as exhausted as I am. I didn't know how much I listened to my body until it started talking a different language.

I know some of you are thinking 'oh waaa Stephanie, you'll be fine'. Like I said before I really honestly have nothing to complain about and I am aware of this reality. I'm not looking for sympathy, if anyone deserves it its Daniel! Mostly this is a therapeutic technique for me, just being able to write it all down, and hopefully it'll cause a laugh or two. But I am tired of being silent. I am tired of trying to look at only the good things about being pregnant (footage NOT found). I just need to vent a little and I'll be fine.

Now I'm even more ticked. I thought I was done! After the final edit I looked online for pictures to add a little appeal to the post. I searched for 'grumpy pregnant women' in a google search.... NOTHING. All the pictures are of sweet, beautiful women glowing. UGH! So now I blame society and the media.