We got home from my parents house a few days ago and when I got the mail there was a package waiting for us. I was confused because I didn't order anything. Daniel remained silent as I tried to figure out what it could possibly be. When I opened it there was a card addressed to "the parents of Adam Jacobs" - odd, I thought. The card continued that what was inside was made in memory of this womans twin grandkids who had passed away. I pulled out a heart. Again, I had no clue what was going on. The card explained that the heart weighed 6 lbs 13 oz - same weight as Adam. At first I was a little shocked and wasn't sure if I wanted it. It was hard enough dealing with the unbearable pain of not being able to hold my baby and now this was just going to make it more difficult.
Come to find out- Daniel heard about this organization A Heart to Hold from his dad. It is a non-profit organization that makes these hearts in the weight of lost babies and sends them to the families so they can have something to hold. Something to help fill that void. The lady who started this had a very similar story to ours and it helped her a ton. 'What the heck?' - I thought 'lets give it a try'. Well come to find out I love this thing! I didn't put it down the rest of the day. I decided I wasn't going to make a conscious effort to 'take care' of it like a baby and thought I would just let what ever came come naturally. Meaning- if I left it somewhere then I wouldn't search for it. Or I would just carry it in what ever way my hands wanted. Daniel and I held it while making dinner, watching TV or doing homework, like it had always been there. I found myself holding it on my hip like you do a baby. Daniel held it on his chest - the same way he held Alex a lot.
It is just surprising to me how much it helps. Again, one of the hardest parts of all of this is just that ache to hold Adam. While this doesn't move or make noise or require attention it helps my mind to hold something that weighed as much as Adam did. Maybe it's weird. Maybe it won't help. I don't know. All I know is that I find myself unconsciously holding it and my mind is calm.
So here are the url addresses for the story and a way you can donate to this awesome cause. Its so great and really helps others who have lost their babies!
