A Heart to Hold

We got home from my parents house a few days ago and when I got the mail there was a package waiting for us. I was confused because I didn't order anything. Daniel remained silent as I tried to figure out what it could possibly be. When I opened it there was a card addressed to "the parents of Adam Jacobs" - odd, I thought. The card continued that what was inside was made in memory of this womans twin grandkids who had passed away. I pulled out a heart. Again, I had no clue what was going on. The card explained that the heart weighed 6 lbs 13 oz - same weight as Adam. At first I was a little shocked and wasn't sure if I wanted it. It was hard enough dealing with the unbearable pain of not being able to hold my baby and now this was just going to make it more difficult. 

Come to find out- Daniel heard about this organization A Heart to Hold from his dad. It is a non-profit organization that makes these hearts in the weight of lost babies and sends them to the families so they can have something to hold. Something to help fill that void. The lady who started this had a very similar story to ours and it helped her a ton. 'What the heck?' - I thought 'lets give it a try'. Well come to find out I love this thing! I didn't put it down the rest of the day. I decided I wasn't going to make a conscious effort to 'take care' of it like a baby and thought I would just let what ever came come naturally. Meaning- if I left it somewhere then I wouldn't search for it. Or I would just carry it in what ever way my hands wanted. Daniel and I held it while making dinner, watching TV or doing homework, like it had always been there. I found myself holding it on my hip like you do a baby. Daniel held it on his chest - the same way he held Alex a lot. 

It is just surprising to me how much it helps. Again, one of the hardest parts of all of this is just that ache to hold Adam. While this doesn't move or make noise or require attention it helps my mind to hold something that weighed as much as Adam did. Maybe it's weird. Maybe it won't help. I don't know. All I know is that I find myself unconsciously holding it and my mind is calm. 

So here are the url addresses for the story and a way you can donate to this awesome cause. Its so great and really helps others who have lost their babies! 

"Our Favorite Birthday Cake"

My wonderful sister-in-law sent Alex the most adorable birthday present! Part of which was their families favorite birthday cake. And I tell you what, it was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!! Its our new favorite birthday cake now. I need to get the recipe cuz it just might turn out to be my favorite 'any time of the year' cake. Which may turn out to be 'the worst thing that ever happened to my waist' cake.... Might be worth it :-) That's how delicious this cake was. 

Step 1: Put the dry ingredients that were sent in a bowl

Step 2: Add wet ingredients 

Step 3: Play "mirror the face" with Alex

Stir, Stir

Pose for the camera

Taste the spoils - just to make sure it's safe :-)

The best part of making a cake

Chocolate on the face

This is what happens when I begged him to smile

Adding the yummy decorations

And of course we had to light the candle and sing happy birthday again!

Who doesn't want to celebrate their birthday with yummy cake all month long?! 

What We've Been Up To...

Illegally driving trucks.... 

Doing strange science experiments....

Picking up garbage off the street....

Eating lunch on the road....

Teaching Alex how to drive....

And how to take care of your 'wheels'....

We've gotten a little lax on the house keeping....

So we decided to teach Alex to do it...

Loungin around.....

Hugs with daddy....

Going to church (Alex runs into our room asking for nursery almost every morning)

Teaching Al to mow the lawn (his favorite chore)....

Waking up daddy to ride on the four wheelers.....

Teaching four wheeling safety.... 

Taking care of our eyes....

JUST HANGIN OUT AND HAVING A GREAT TIME!!!!

My Boy is 2!

It was a bitter sweet day, as I'm sure it will be forever. Who knew that 23 May would have such significance in our lives. Not only was our life changed in 2010 with the arrival of Alex, it was also when Adam was due. We tried our best to make sure Alex had a special day despite the other issues that were weighing on our minds. Alex has a birthday book (thank you Aunty Mel) and as soon as I told him it was his birthday he ran to retrieve his 'study material'. Needless to say he knew that it was a special day. Even requesting/demanding a birthday cake and a candle to blow out. This, after no coaxing from me or dad. Kid is just smart. 

We decorated his room. He woke Daniel up at 6:30 because he was so excited to show daddy the balloons :-)

He helped me make his 3 birthday cakes! The best part of being the birthday boy is eating cake batter!

As everyone knows, Alex is a bit obsessed with trucks. Therefore the theme of his party was a no brainer. I didn't want to make it a big deal and so it wasn't. If you ask Daniel it was, but trust me I could have gone so much more crazy :-)  

HIS CAKE!! This was my favorite part ever. It was a conglomeration of many ideas coming together to form a fun cake. So here's what it took: 3 chocolate boxed cakes, 2 packages of chocolate pudding, 2 packages of oreos, 2 cartons of chocolate icing, 1 giant package of gummy worms and 2 tubs of whipped cream. And thus the "Dump Truck Dirt Cake" was born :-) I didn't know what in the heck I was doing because we had just dreamt it up so I just kinda started and I think it turned out better than I could have ever imagined. I just layered everything. Starting with one cake, broken up into chuncks. Then a drizzle of melted chocolate frosting. Topped with pudding 'boulders'. Then the creepy crawlers were added and covered with Oreo dirt. Repeat two more times. 

After the birthday song had been sung the kids got to scoop up their birthday cake with shovels and put it in their little buckets :-) It was so cute! Loved it! So fun! 

The many faces of Alex. This is what happens when I say 'smile'

The decorations

With grandpa, his most favorite, and their fire truck hats

Probably my favorite group of pics - I just think he is so cute

And of course there was a truck pinata

His party friends 

Here is a little video of Alex hitting the truck :-) 

We had such a great time! Alex got a big slide and a lawn mower and trucks and he got to see all of his favorite people. Uncle Christian, Uncle Andrew and Uncle Matthew etc were also requested - but we couldn't deliver :-( 

I can't believe our boy is 2 already. Its been a roller coaster of a year, but no matter what happens at the end of the day just being around him makes everything better. 

And his stats are.....

• Weight: 28.6 lbs - 55%ile
• Height: 35 inches - 70%ile
• Head: 19.5 inched - 75%ile
• Favorite books: Any and all books, especially truck and lawn mower books
• Favorite food: Chicken nuggets, ranch, fruit snacks and apple juice
• He knows 70+ words
• Counts up to 13
• Recognizes all the letters (upper case and tries to sing the song all the way through)
• He loves to run, go on slides, ride on grandpas four-wheelers and ride in grandpas truck
• Knows basic colors
• Ya- I can't think of other things to add.... maybe later :-) 

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

This is an organization that gathers volunteer photographers who come in and take pictures of you and your baby when they have passed. Initially we were hesitant in accepting this gift, but as you can see they turned out beautifully and we are so so grateful for Cliff Lawson and his amazing service to our family.